Our boys were troopers today. Joshua had his two-year physical right in the middle of nap time. Nathan and I didn't think putting them down early would work so we skipped nap altogether thinking we would put them to bed early and eat supper just the two of us. We do that sometimes and call it a date. It's quiet. We have conversation. It works, most of the time.
Tonight Daniel repeatedly stood up and threw his loveys out of the bed towards Joshua. Then he would laugh and sit down. Joshua would go get it and throw it back into the bed. This was a hilarious game between the two of them until we had to tell them to lay down and then came the tears...for quite a while. They're sleeping peacefully now and all is well, but we hate tears. I do think it's sweet that they were playing together. Now if we could just teach them to play together while it's daylight.
I took the boys to the playground at Lake Peachtree before the appointment. Just as we were leaving I gave the boys their sippy cups. I didn't tighten the lid to Daniel's well and it popped off and poured water all over him, down to his diaper. Since Stein Mart is practically next door to the pediatrician's office... I rushed there to shop..just hoping they carried toddler clothes. I thought they had carts like Ross but they don't, so with about 20 minutes to spare I lugged Daniel on my hip and dragged Joshua by hand to the back, snatched something that I thought would work, and drug everyone back to the check out line. Once approaching the cashier I let go of Joshua's hand only to have him lay face down on the floor. I sat Daniel (he's soaking wet mind you) on the counter, declined the sales pitch regarding a Stein Mart account with a plain "No, no, no" instead of my usual "no thank you, not today", paid for the outfit, and rushed everyone back to the minivan.
Once I changed Daniel's clothes I felt a lot less stressed and simply was excited about the cute little outfit I found and relished in just how adorable these two are. They were not nearly as enthused as I was in the moment.
As you can see, Joshua loves to ride in the stroller. That thing has saved my sanity though. We travel no where without it. I would have taken it into the store had I known they didn't have carts. We walked in the office at 2:45 for Joshua's 2:45 appointment.
Joshua had to get one shot today. We walked into the exam room and Joshua immediately started screaming. He knows what happens when we go to the doctor. I had a bunch of M&Ms and he calmed down with the candy. I know I've said it in many posts, but we love our pediatrician. While Joshua sat in my lap, she got down on his level, looked him in the eyes and said, "Joshua look at me please. We have to give you one shot today. It's going to be a little boo boo right there. Then you may have some candy and a sticker." Then she handed me some Skittles to give him (she previously asked if he could have them). The skittles fixed everything. He cried for five seconds.
It was interesting to see Daniel follow Joshua's lead with crying. When Joshua cried, Daniel cried. When Joshua calmed down, Daniel stopped crying too.
Today, I stayed away from the Fruity Hoops. I went straight for the chocolate and ate the leftover M&Ms.
Below is what I wrote last night and I never posted it.
Tonight after we found Joshua's little tractor, rocked for just a little while, and put the boys down to bed, I stood in the corner of our kitchen (facing the corner) eating Fruity Hoops (from Dollar General) for at least five minutes before I finished my evening chores. I'm tired, but we had a good day. No day is without any meltdowns between the two toddlers and a preggo-momma. I contributed one to the list today. I cried when the boys woke up from nap. I was lying on the floor in the living room reading when they woke up, and instead of thanking the Lord for giving me almost two hours, I cried. But, yes, thank You Lord for two hours. :) I wanted to stay on the floor and sleep until tomorrow morning. I don't think they saw any tears. ;) When I stop and think about our day it went really well.
We played outside and we even got out paint! I've always wondered if I could handle two toddlers painting in the house at the same time, but we did it. Daniel is not ready for the art table, so I moved his booster seat with a tray to the art room which is the walk-in closet that goes to the playroom-supposed to be bedroom. The booster seat is attached to one of the art table chairs. Daniel "painted" strapped into the chair and Joshua painted on the easel. When I say we painted, it lasted all of four minutes. Then we were done. Joshua's blob of red paint was none other than a red tractor according to him. Joshua is highly motivated by tractors. He'll attempt to cut with scissors if he's cutting pictures of tractors from catalogs (thank you Tractor Supply).
Last weekend was full of firsts. Nathan's side of the family traveled down to see us and be with Daniel for the first time. My brother and sister-in-law and our niece spent the night Friday and Nathan's parents and grandparents joined us Saturday. Daniel took to everyone! He did so well. He even played outside, swimming in the baby pool and sitting in the grass rolling a ball. They brought so much food we've been eating supper off of it all week. Seriously, we won't need to cook again until Friday and my parents are coming with supper then!
Joshua went home with Denise and Randy. He stayed in Scottsboro from Saturday to Tuesday and didn't want to come home. :) This was his first time to stay overnight at their house without us. He was telling me "Bye bye" before we opened their car door. They went swimming, played at the splash park, visited family, rode the pony and cart, and played with Nathan and Layne's old metal tractor and parts. I met Denise and Mamaw halfway yesterday to bring him home and was so happy to see that little face. It was good for him to get some special attention.
Some Joshua Quotes:
Joshua at Papaw's House (he loves Papaw): That Papaw is a hugger.
"Joshua have sleepy eyes. Josh-u not go to seep in Nonna and Plow Daddy's car.
"Josh-u is Nonna's iddle angel"
Dese fench fies is so good. Daddy always eats dese"
He's talking all of the time now. His response to our telling him that there is a baby in my tummy: "And Josh-u have a baby in his belly button."
Daniel went to church with us for the first time, and loved it!!! He stayed with us. Nathan and I are going to take turns going into the worship service and Sunday school. The first half of our time there Daniel clung to Nathan, and the second half he was completely comfortable!
Daniel had his evaluation with Babies Can't Wait and it went very well. He will receive some services through their program as well as through Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. He is walking more and more each day. Now he can push off of furniture and walk almost across the room. We're working on standing up from crawling or sitting position. Physical Therapists are amazing! They've given us several ways to encourage standing from the floor that are easy to incorporate into our day.
Baby #3 is due February 22. I'm 11 weeks and definitely showing. Of course, it may be all the Fruity Hoops and Gatorade.
We were packing to leave for China late into the night and into early Father's Day morning. As I went through our list, I realized that I should probably take a pregnancy test. Nathan was sitting in the kitchen working on travel details. It was like 1:30 am. I quietly took the test, stared at the test, and really was not sure if I could see a second line. I gave it a couple of minutes (not sure how long it really was because I was shaking so hard). Then I finally grabbed an index card and wrote "I love you! Happy Father's Day! (I think)," meaning "I think I'm pregnant, but I'm not sure."
I walked into the kitchen and handed it to him, and we both stared at it a little in shock. I asked him if he thought it was positive, and he said it was definitely positive. I said "Well I guess we'll come home from China a family of five!" And we cried happy tears. We decided immediately to wait and share because Daniel's coming home was so important to us. We wanted to fully savor every moment of him joining our family.
In all of our family pictures I thought "We're all together, and this is so perfect." And then by about 2:30 or 3:00 in the afternoon I was physically and emotionally done and practically (or literally) in tears. It was sweet, beautiful, exhausting, scary all at the same time. The touring is something that we will never regret. It was worth the hard napless afternoons and crying babies (and sometimes crying mommy...poor Nathan). One of these days I'm going to post about our trip to China, pictures and all. It will be a big one so I'll need some time...and perhaps a babysitter ;).
Nathan is my hero. He is such an awesome Dad. I loved seeing both boys interact with him and thought it was perfect we found out about baby #3 on his day. This is us at the Great Wall. We bailed climbing to the top and ate ice cream at the bottom instead, which was awesome. A friend of ours on our team took much better pictures of us while there but like I said, I haven't gotten everything together to post the good pictures. I hope to soon. This picture was taken just before Joshua received an epic goose egg right in the middle of his four head. Nathan told him that not every little boy has a scar from the Great Wall and that it's pretty special. But purchasing him a Panda bear is what calmed him down. We bought three bears. ;)
And finally last Tuesday we were able to see this little one for the first time! We were going to try to surprise everyone at the boys (late) second birthday party next month, but I'm showing enough to look awkward in my clothes. So we decided that we'd surprise family by sending them a video of the ultrasound. Baby was dancing around and we could see the heartbeat. Daniel had his PT evaluation in the hospital where my OB is also located. (His eval. went well and I'd love to post about that later). We had been texting our moms about Daniel's evaluation. Then we traveled one floor down for baby's ultrasound and sent our family a text with a video letting them know that this little one had an appointment today too. There were lots of exciting conversations that followed for the rest of the afternoon.
Baby is due February 22. It's a special time to be born. We found out lots of people we love share that birthday. Cousins, close friends, and the person who (with my mom) explained the Gospel to me: Boppie (my grandmother). Boppie went to be with Jesus 11 years ago. It would be so awesome if Baby was born on her birthday.
And because it was Boppie's favorite hymn and because the lyrics make me think of new life, I've had this song on my mind. I pray our children's "birth" into our family is just the beginning of their story. Just like I was born again and adopted into the family of God in 1989 because of my family's witness, I pray that our children will be born again into His family.
Hymn of Promise by Natalie Sleeth
In a bulb there is a flower; in a seed an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter there's a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.
There's a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There's a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.
In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity,
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory,
Unrevealed until its season, something yet unknown which God alone can see.
I finally took the boys and the camera outside for some pictures. I hope to take some more in the coming weeks with their birthday shirts on. We're going to have a small family birthday party for both boys in August though it will be a little late.
Nathan and I take turns each week with going to church with Joshua and staying home with Daniel. I went to church this morning. We order Mexican take-out every Sunday and sit down to a feast after church. I love Mexican food. Joshua does too:
Joshua: Dis sauce is picy...it is alsa. Josh-u hungee. Josh-u want more oc-u-ow-wee and tips. (He always speaks of himself in 2nd or 3rd person.)
I came home to a smiley little boy who reached out to give me a hug. I've noticed him snuggle us more and more.
He has taken baby steps three days in a row! He'll take two, sometimes three, steps and then fall into Nathan or me. It's awesome! He's walking barefoot on the grass, but is still terrified of putting his hands and knees in the grass. But walking barefoot through it is big progress. We're trying to teach him sign language for more and all done because right now his way of communicating with us these to needs is through screeching screaming. He will mimic our hand motions but doesn't use the signs in context yet. We can tell his face is rounder and he's still gaining weight.
The boys are sharing a room and have since we came home. Nathan and I were just saying how well they are doing with this (especially since Joshua is in a toddler bed) and we were saying how this is nothing but God's mercy and kindness over us. He has protected our time in the evening and thus protected our sanity.
I'm hoping this week at some point I can take the boys outside and have a little photo shoot. Then I can update this blog with good pictures of both boys.
My perfectionism is rearing it's head again with mothering. I want happy children all day long, but the reality is I have two toddlers and toddlers have meltdowns. And mine have plenty throughout the day. Screaming is something that sends my blood pressure up and I have to remind myself to breathe. Last week I spent several mornings on the phone making doctors appointments. I learned a new discipline of carrying on a conversation with screaming toddlers in the background.
July 19th we celebrating one month since Daniel's gotcha day. Daniel means, "the Lord is my judge." I've thought about that so many times over the last week as in my quest to know him I've been tempted to define him. It's a prideful part of motherhood, I think, where I want to say "let me tell you all about my child...I know all about them." The Lord knows both our sons in ways I never will but especially our Daniel. I am grateful Daniel is teaching me to trust the One who knows us and judges rightly.
There are so many questions. Especially when he is upset. Is this crying grieving? Is it a toddler tantrum? Does his tummy hurt? Does his mouth hurt? Is this an angry cry? Only the Lord knows. And sometimes there are the more selfish questions. How long is he going to cry? I mean he cried for 10 hours on the flight home from Tokyo to Atlanta so it can happen. I want to control the situation. I want to fix it. I want a peaceful quiet home. Not that I haven't asked some of those questions about Joshua, but for one thing he can talk now.
The sermon this morning was about setting our minds on the things of the Lord. A good part of that sermon was about surrendering our desire to control. Fear leads me to want to be in control. Faith gives me strength to surrender to God's will and attempt to do big things without knowing how it will happen.
Sometimes it's mind-boggling trying to figure out how to meet our children's needs: physical, emotional, spiritual (discipleship), educational, medical...the list goes on. I feel like God spoke to me Friday as I was trying figure out how we were going to accomplish all that we believe should be accomplished over the next year.
Friday I'd spent the morning feeling frustrated and anxious. Joshua is a two-year-old with a need for lots of hugs and lots of discipline. Daniel is like a six-month old, 11 month old and 2 year old all wrapped into one. Sometimes their needs can feel overwhelming.
It's been very dry for the past couple of weeks so I've been watering our yard regularly. The other day once the boys were down for their nap, I went outside to turn on our soaker hoses. I sensed the Lord telling me not to turn on the hoses. I knew He was telling me that if I would just wait He was sending rain. But I pushed that out of my head reasoning that it wasn't raining in the moment so I should go ahead and water just in case.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with watering my yard. I'll do it again as soon as it needs it. But I felt the Holy Spirit's guidance, reasoned against it, and made my own provisions "just in case." And so goes my mothering over the past couple of days.
I watered the yard successfully (thoroughly). Then came a ground-soaking rain that lasted all night into Saturday. Saturday when I woke up and walked outside to see all of the plants refreshed and grass green healthy in the pasture and I felt like God was telling me He was going to do the same in our children's life. It was a lesson in listening to His voice. He'll tell me what to do if I'll just listen and trust what I hear. I do my job in abiding in Him and listening to His voice, He'll do His part by abundantly supplying all that we need. He'll supply for them abundantly. It's going to be Him, not me. When I try to control my children's life, when I try to live on worrying, when I parent through frustration, when I give in to anxiety my children might survive it but they won't thrive in this home. And that is what I want is for them to thrive and have faith to fulfill their God-given purpose in this life.
My favorite song through this season is Sara Groves "Eyes on the Prize." I want to go to church as a family of four again. I want both boys to roll in the grass and enjoy getting dirty (because I love being outside so much). I want Daniel to happily receive a hug from Joshua. But God will be faithful to give them all that they need. I have to wait for him.
I'm going to share this song because it's meant so much to me since we began praying over this child just before he was conceived. There are so many statements I sing over him. We named him Charles after my dad. It means "free man." Yes Lord! So I'm going to share the words and a link because I rejoice over these declarations. "Ain't no man on earth control the weight of glory on a human soul."
"Eyes on the Prize" -Sara Groves Paul and Silas bound in jail Got no money for to go their bail Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on
Paul and Silas thought they'd lost The dungeon shook and the chains fell off Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on
Freedom's name is mighty sweet And one day soon we are gonna meet Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on
I got my hand on the gospel plow Won't take nothing for my journey now Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on
The wait is slow, and we've so far to go Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on
The wait is slow, and we've so far to go Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on
Only chain a man can stand Is that chain of hand on hand Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on
Ain't no man on earth control The weight of glory on a human soul. Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.
The wait is slow, and we've so far to go Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on
The wait is slow, and we've so far to go Keep your eyes on the prize [x3]
When you see a man walk free, It makes you dream of jubilee.
When you see a child walk free, It makes you dream of jubilee.
When you see a family free, It makes you dream of jubilee.
This time last night I had a feeling of dread over the next 24 hours. I breathed a long sigh of relief after we put the boys to bed tonight and am sitting down with a second helping of this delicious chicken casserole a friend from Sunday school brought us.
We got out this morning to run an errand and take Daniel to the doctor. We went to Tractor Supply to buy something for the farm. Daniel was apprehensive about riding in the buggy but he didn't cry. Then we went to the playground at Lake Peachtree. I consider this to be a big success because this park is very crowded and he played just as if he were at home. Joshua and Nathan went to Chickfila while Daniel and I went back to the doctor. Our ped. went over all of our referrals and gave me a list of appointments to make. I tried to make these this afternoon but it was too late in the day.
(Daniel is staring at the automatic doors.)
Today's visit was much harder. They had to pull seven vials of blood. Two nurses and I held him down. I was thinking that would be a lot of blood for a person my size much less his little body. It's all for his good though. It's so hard to not be able to communicate with him in Chinese. I'd like to tell myself that if he were a little baby he wouldn't understand me either, but this is different. He's been poked and prodded and had major surgery (his cleft lip repair). He knows what's coming and doesn't forget when you give him a bottle afterwards (like a baby). I tried to give him a bottle afterward to soothe him and he looked at me like "What the heck are trying to do with that bottle after you just put me through that! Get me out of here!" He kind of stopped crying by the time we got to Chickfila to see Nathan and Joshua.
Then things got better...when he saw his Daddy. He is a Daddy's boy. He reached out for him and clung to his shoulder. Wait, I don't want to forget to celebrate.We sat in Chickfila as a family...after that! Without tears!
We made it home later and the boys went down for a nap which gave me just enough time to straighten up for our first post-adoption home visit from our adoption agency. I was sweating the straightening the house part because honestly, I don't think I've ever had a messier house. Ever. I am amazed at the difference between one toddler and two. It's smellier too. ;) I woke the boys up from their nap with enough time to dress them, sit them in front of the TV, light a candle, dispose of the dirty diapers, and vacuum the doorway just before she arrived.
The home visit went well. She was comforting in one area in particular: the relationship between Joshua and Daniel. I shared how I've stressed about them interacting with each other. It was comforting for our adoption specialist to tell me that it is okay for them to get into it. See, I can't even say "fight." She said "interact more naturally"...but she meant fight...a little...with boundaries of course. She was very kind. I felt like we were having a guest over for supper as if she were an old friend, granted I don't get out much. But she really was nice.
We made through! Daniel was such a trooper. He cried but no more than any little child cries at the doctor's office. He received my comfort. That made it a successful visit. Period. He got upset when we walked in the waiting room then calmed down. Then he really didn't cry again until he got a shot. He sat in Nathan's lap during the physical and didn't cry. We were very encouraged to get through this milestone...his first doctor's appointment. Because there is so much involved in this type of physical we're going back Wednesday. He'll have to have more blood drawn and perhaps more vaccines.
We love our pediatrician. She takes her time with us, answering any questions we have. She has watched me go from a timid pregnant mama worried about nursing and changing a little infant boy's diaper to perhaps a just as timid mama with two busy toddlers. And she's encouraged me every step of the way. Here's the report from today:
-She was pleased with Daniel's size. Though he is small (very small), she said he's getting what he needs nutritionally and his health should progress with time.
-He has gained weight since his medical exam in Guangzhou!
-He can begin eating different textured solid foods: soft vegetables, cottage cheese, soft scrambled eggs! (Okay that honestly intimidates me as much as excites me, but we're all for growth and development.)
-She feels like physical, occupational, and speech therapy will help him dramatically and that he can overcome most of his delays through therapy, good nutrition, play, and exercise.
-(I didn't know this) Speech therapy will help him with swallowing.
-Although he will be referred to specialists regarding eye-sight and hearing, she said everything looked healthy.
Daniel and I have to return Wednesday for the second round of shots/blood drawn. She is going to sit down with me and go over all of her referrals which is comforting. She recommended we go through Children's Healthcare for everything (and they have everything). He will also be evaluated through Babies Can't Wait to receive, local at-home services.
On an even more special note, his eyes are brightening. I'm noticing it more and more. When I catch his eyes, they sparkle and he smiles at me. You know what, don't ever take that for granted. I won't! When your baby looks you in the eyes and smiles, that is no small gift from God. Three weeks ago when his eyes caught mine I saw fear most of the time. We got some smiles (and we got them on camera) but we saw a lot of terror in those eyes. That fear is disappearing and I will never take bright eyes for granted. Praise the Lord!
I know without a doubt that prayer has already been a huge part of Daniel's life. When you pray for him, we see the fruit. Thank you! We can't do this without calling on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
There's not much new to share, but for the sake of documenting Daniel's first year home I'm going to ramble on. :)
I try to hold just one of Daniel's hands for him to walk, but he won't have it. He motions for my other hand and that is how we walk. It's amazing how I want to rush things. Parenting Daniel is giving me a new perspective. I have to forget my timeline. I want him to learn to walk by his second birthday, but that's really forgetting the bigger picture: learning that I'm his mother. If he wants my hands to walk for another six months, what is that in the grand scheme of things. Nothing. He is, however, climbing steps now! I love watching him figure out new tasks. The first time I took him up steps he cried. By the third time he moved slowly but deliberately. Today he crawled up them like he'd seen them his whole life. He also loves a slide.
He's smiling more and more. He's happy for most of the day, but if he does get upset, there is no consoling him. He screams and flails and we just have to wade it out holding him. Yesterday I put him down for a nap. He was happy holding his little ducky when I laid him down (it's almost impossible for me to rock him to sleep anymore). Abby (our 4 pound dog) snuck in without me seeing her. I'm not sure what happened but evidently she scared him. He screamed! I held him for another 30 minutes with him just screaming. Finally, he smiled and I held him a little longer. Then I put him down again for a nap (laid him down awake) and he played happily for about 10 minutes until he fell asleep. These meltdowns have happened at least once daily. I'm not sure but I think this too is part of grieving. It's not all day. Today he didn't weep at all. He was very smiley.
I thought, "all this could help Joshua learn compassion." The other day while sitting down for breakfast Daniel started crying while I fixed his food. Joshua said "HEY. HEY. AN-IEL. TOP IT. TOP." Really? Because that's what we've said to him for the past two years when he would whine for food! Haha...we talked to him about how he should handle those situations. I'm sure now he understands.
I think I can say Daniel officially likes being outside. He still won't touch grass. He walks holding my hands, climbs up the slide, or crawls on his blanket. Today I looked over at him and he had his knee on the grass (but I don't think he realized it.)
Tomorrow my parents are coming to get Joshua for a visit. He's spending the night with them so I can take Daniel to the doctor Monday. He is so sweet talking about his grandparents (all four of them). Tonight I asked him, "Who is coming to see you tomorrow and take you back to their house?" Joshua replied, "Gu-gu and Oppa" "Gu-gu and Oppa will hug me and day will -ock me."
Can you tell what he's liked lately. A little more hugging and rocking. But just a little. He wanted me to rock him tonight. So I did, three times back and forth and he was done.
And speaking of climbing, Joshua will climb anything! He also loves to kick a ball. He started this in China with the World Cup playing in every lobby and on every corner. We kicked the ball for the longest time today. Daniel laughed from the swing. That makes me ready for Upward Soccer. I think our church starts Upward Soccer at three so maybe Fall 2015? He's such a little boy all of the sudden.
Yesterday I crashed as soon as we put the boys to bed. I am out of shape, but there's no need for joining a gym. I work out now. I had forgotten what it's like having a baby who can't walk yet.
I think we've settled into a routine if I can manage the energy to keep it up. I take them for a walk in the double stroller right after breakfast. One goal in this (besides getting into shape) is to prepare them to go out in public. They have to sit next to each other. The first time we did this I had flashbacks to junior high fights in the hallway. They were not a fan of being that close to one another. I also learned that they don't, at this time, get to hold toys in the stroller. We worked on keeping personal space. Today was much much better. They looked very civilized. We're getting there.
Then we played outside until about 11:00. The weather has been so nice it's almost like fall...in July! I plan to take Daniel outside so much that by the end of the summer he doesn't know life without being outside. He likes it so much better than this time last week! He likes the swing, baby pool, and playing on a blanket in the shade. He doesn't venture off of the blanket which is fine with me for now. Joshua is not allowed on his blanket as he has the run of our entire yard. Joshua has gotten so much better at giving Daniel space. So much better. We have to tell Daniel the same thing, though we still have to pick him up and redirect him.
Daniel is eating well and we can definitely tell he's gaining weight. We have contacted Scottish Rite (thanks to some good friends suggesting we go ahead and not wait for a ped. referral). They are supposed to call us in the next couple of days to set up an appointment. Nathan said they were above and beyond good service over the phone. He has his physical next Monday and his evaluation with Babies Can't Wait July 29th. These three things will help us get to know our little man and know how to care for him.
I praise God that this child who a week ago was eating formula and rice cereal today ate (pureed or in a bottle):
-3 bottles of whole milk, formula, and rice cereal
-1/2 avocodo
-1 banana
-1 egg
-1 serving of applesauce
-1 pouch of pumpkin, squash, sweet potato
-handfull of blueberries
-handful of strawberries
-1/2 container of vanilla pudding
-multivitamin
That makes a Mama feel so good.
Today was so much smoother than yesterday. Joshua napped and I got to have my quiet time with no interruptions. That always helps. Yesterday the morning went well (besides meltdowns and the initial stroller fight), but by the afternoon I was exhausted. I turned on the TV and called my mother..and cried for an hour. Really.
When Nathan and I were discussing our day last night, I told him that there were times when I had done everything I knew to do and Daniel wasn't happy that I just looked at him and said "Sometimes you just have to choose to be happy Buddy" and we'd go on with our day. Daniel would calm down and smile again eventually. Nathan later said, "Katherine, you're so afraid you're going to do this all wrong and hurt somebody. You just have to choose to be confident." That was probably the biggest difference between today and yesterday. I chose confidence. I made a decision and those little guys had to put up with it. I was a lot more firm today, and they seemed more content (much to nobody's surprise I'm sure) ;) . I guess by faith I'll have to make the same decision tomorrow.
I look at pictures of siblings sitting together in pictures and I long to see these two sit together for a picture smiling. Then I remember that they have been brothers for three weeks. They are two years old. When I see these pictures of others, they've known each other much longer. I'm just going to have to give it time. But I want to document this longing because I pray that years from now I look back on this post with amazement in what God has done in their hearts.
Some breakthroughs in brotherly bonding:
-Joshua described his family yesterday including Daniel for the first time. He said "Dat oo-eee (mommy). Dat daddy. Dat baby an-el. Dat Josh-u budder."
-We put them to bed tonight and left the room without either of them asleep yet. (video moniters with an intercom make this possible) I guess my thinking is that sharing a room and riding in a stroller together will help. Hey, some may say getting into good hardy fights will help too. I guess I can list that one too. ;)
We spent our evening outside in the almost cool air and sunshine, Joshua picking blueberries in his diaper, Daniel laying on his blanket playing with toys, and Chloe (our dog) watching close by. Nathan came home with supper prepared by a friend. We ate on paper plates. The boys are now asleep. And all is right with the world. ;)
Tomorrow is the big day. Nathan goes back to work and I stay home with the boys...real world! Well, almost. Our Sunday school class is providing meals through most of July, so it's not exactly real world around here yet. We are blessed with awesome family and friends. I mean that! I am amazed and have never felt so loved.
We had someone check on our farm or stay at our house every day we were in China. Family and friends met welcomed us home at the airport something I will always strive to do as it was so life-giving to us as we arrived home fatigued and overwhelmed. You can conquer a lot when you feel loved. We arrived home to a stocked pantry, fridge, freezer, our house decorated with Chinese lanterns, signs, and gifts. There was a crock pot with a roast and good ole southern sides for supper that night. We are trying to "cocoon" and it is hard not to see people regularly. Things you would normally do like have your parents come stay with you for a while we haven't done this go round. But we have felt loved. We have had the blessing of phones and internet. We feel so blessed. And we have felt everyone's prayers.
Today Nathan and Joshua were going to visit some friends on their farm and see all of their new animals. Last minute I decided to take Daniel in a separate vehicle. I needed to get out of our house and be around friends. I wasn't sure how it would go. I think overall it went really well! We ate lunch over there...even Daniel! This is the child who wouldn't touch solid foods a week ago. Home has done him as much good as it has us. And the prayers! He was exhausted from the outing but continued to have a good day.
He is standing on his own now when I let go of his hands. He tries to take a step forward then falls. What an amazing thing to watch! I love seeing first steps. He is 23 months old and is on Daniel-time, or I should say DC-time because that's what Nathan calls him now. Let me tell you, unless he wants to do something, he's not going to do it.
Both boys smiled and laughed heartily today. It did me good to see it and I'm praying for more days like that. We all played out side today for about an hour. I put Daniel on a big quilt with some toys with the thought that if he got ready to venture off into the grass he could. Several times I could see in his eye that he wanted something in the grass but never quite decided to move. He did enjoy his space on the blanket. That is a huge improvement.
So please pray: For us as we begin real life...
That Daniel will continue to take to the outdoors (it's a big part of our family)
That we can schedule his needed appointments at Scottish Rite
That we'll be connected to the right physical/occupational therapist for us
That Joshua and Daniel will develop a friendship (okay as much as two-year-olds can ;)
That both boys will feel loved and cherished at home (especially when their with only one parent)
There's been a lot of both around here today. So I'll start with eating. I almost hesitate to mention it so soon into the day, but DANIEL ATE EGGS AND AVOCADO!!! I scrambled the eggs then pureed a mixture of about 1/3 egg, milk, a spoon full of avocado, and a half of banana, one pouch of fruit and veggies, and about a tablespoon of rice cereal. Between breakfast and lunch he ate it! In addition, he's had two bottles. That may not be where he needs to be, but to me it's miraculous. Please continue to pray little man will eat. I can't tell you how good it felt to know that he was eating pretty much the same things as Joshua today just pureed.
Again, please continue to pray over his diet.
Today I've tried to do as much with the boys independently as possible since Nathan goes back to work Wednesday. It's so good to have him home. He's so good with the boys, but I think more than anything I'm going to miss him so badly. I think cocooning is difficult for lots of reasons but the biggest is the isolation on our part. For Daniel it is so good for him I have no doubt. Joshua could stand to get out more, but at the same time it's good to establish our routine with Joshua too since naturally it's changed with two little boys. I miss family. I miss getting out of the house. But it's a season. It's not forever. And I think it will pay off in the end.
Joshua is used to having me completely to himself. I was telling Nathan earlier today, for his entire life I've been a few feet away from him at all times. I'm constantly his entertainment. He's always had my lap. So this is a big adjustment for him to say the least. I'm still with him, but he has to get used to taking turns with me. It's going to take time, practice, routine, effort to get used to playing with his brother. It's going to take the Lord working in his heart creating a bond with Daniel. Today, while we're adjusting (I'm claiming this is not going to be forever) he whined every time I went to Daniel, picked up Daniel, or initiated play.
Prayers please.
But altogether it's been a good day so far.
Daniel woke up at 6:00 (bottle and mommy-time)
Joshua woke up at 7:00 (they both ate breakfast)
We played
Ate snack at 10
Played
Ate lunch at 12
Daniel went down for a nap at 1:00 (he falls asleep rocking with a bottle of formula)
Joshua and I played and had story time
Joshua went down for a nap at 2:00 (he and Daniel share a room...so I pat Joshua's back until he's asleep)
The rest of the day, we'll see how it goes, but I'm thinking this wouldn't be a bad routine.
I'm going to throw this out there because the last time I did I received good advice. Any words of wisdom regarding the transition from only child to having a sibling?
Joshua and I went to church this morning while Nathan and Daniel stayed home. It was so good to be at church! It was so good to see dear friends. We're a part of a young married Sunday school class. Most of us have small children. Our class just merged with another class. It's such a good fit! I'm so excited about getting to know new friends, but am so glad we'll still be with our familiar ones. Pat taught today (I just met him today). He mentioned some of the upcoming events the class has planned and said "and we'll have childcare. Most of us have teenagers so we'll always have childcare ;)" Yes!
Main point from our sermon this morning: "Stay the Course: pursue the goal regardless of circumstances or criticism." Of course, our ultimate goal is to become more and more like Jesus. Tim preached from 2 Chron. about King Asa. He started out so godly, and slipped into faithlessness. Of course he finished his sermon with encouragement and teaching about how to not do that.
We came home to Daniel and Nathan playing in the playroom. Daniel has this determination about him. For example: we have a set of clip clop horses (toy horse that climb down a ramp). I showed them to him yesterday and he would just laugh every time a horse climbed downward. Today we could tell he was trying to send the horses down the ramp (it was very obvious). He just doesn't know what to do with toys besides throw them. So he would throw the horses at the ramp.
He's pulling up well. He does this thing where he pulls up with my hands and then comes to me for a hug. He's giving good hugs now. He tries to kiss too. He opens his mouth and comes towards your face with a smile. It's very sweet.
Today has felt pretty "normal." Joshua's sleeping is back on schedule. He slept through the night and woke up at 7:00. Daniel is still somewhere between China time and Georgia time. He went to bed well and woke up at 4:00. He made it until 11:30 going down for a nap and Joshua successfully woke him up at 2:00. ;) While that wasn't fun, I'm hoping it will help him sleep later tomorrow. Then, he and Joshua can go down for a nap at the same time, which is what I want to happen.
Sound like I'm obsessed with sleep? I am. I really am. I love that break in the afternoon and evening. I love sleeping through the night myself.
The great thing is we are sleeping and our challenges moment have not been with making Daniel feel at home but with just learning how to parent two. These two really have been great. We're working on respecting personal space. They aren't allowed to touch each other without me or Nathan. They can't pull toys out of each other's hands. Normal parenting two challenges.
We're working on taking turns with my lap and a story. Well really, I'm working on this with Joshua. He'd sit in my lap for hours and read stories, which I love! But my concern is that Daniel will be wondering around the room with no attention and I'll sit with Joshua and read like I always have. It's good that Daniel can entertain himself, but it's important that I pursue that interaction. Joshua did much better today with me reading a story to him and then going over to Daniel (sometimes he'd sit in my lap and sometimes not) and read him a story. Daniel likes books with textures. He tries to find the fuzz or ridges in board books that have no special texture.
When I was playing with him before daybreak this morning he walked using a baby walker. I helped him a little bit. then he let go and came to me. It was about six inches. He took one step without the walker and then fell into my arms. I'll take it! Him giving me a hug. Him standing without help. I love seeing it. He hasn't done it since so I guess there are perks to being up way too early with your little one. ;)
I'm going to try to do this: post daily. I'm not going to worry about how random every sentence is or even worry about complete sentences. Eventually I hope to update everything on here, but we're taking baby steps.
Jet lag is a fierce beast! We're tired around here: all four of us. This is our second day home. Daniel woke up at 3:30 ready to face the day. And he played pretty hard until he crashed at 10:30. He's been sleeping since. Probably not the best way to get into a routine, but he is overly exhausted. He woke up at 11:45 and I thought "great that's his morning nap and he'll take an afternoon nap and be ready for bed. He was screaming so hard (we think because he is tired) I took him back into the bedroom and put him down again. I'm sure too that he is over stimulated and needs sleep. We were told in Beijing our first day of touring that it was his first day outside. Can you imagine all he's attempting to process!
I'm excited about taking the first steps in providing for his needs. He has a comprehensive physical with our pediatrician on the 14th. We've contacted Babies Can't Wait and are waiting for them to call us back to schedule appointments. My understanding is that our pediatrician, Babies Can't Wait, and Children's Healthcare Atl will integrate their work to help form a service plan for our little man.
My understanding is that our ped will test his eyesight and hearing as well as evaluate his development plus much more (I just can't think of what right now) ;). Babies Can't Wait should help us provide him with physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech (I'm not sure if now or down the road with speech). Children's healthcare will help us care for his cleft palate (there will be surgeries...we don't know the details yet) amongst other medical needs.
I am working tirelessly to get unpacked and into a routine. Both of our kiddos need that as do Nathan and I. Speaking of Nathan, I can't imagine life without him. He's a good man. And a good dad. And have I mentioned he has an amazing boss and job? He's off until next Wednesday. This time is really helping us achieve our new normal.
Joshua is happy to be home. He is talking more and more and is so precious playing with his toys. Daniel and Joshua are not interested in the same toys right now. Praise the Lord! So their little parallel play makes it easier to jump back and forth between the two of them.
One thing I did this morning was take the boys outside. You know Jman is all about the outdoors as are his parents. Daniel has never been outside except for touring in China (and that was exhausting). So today I dressed them and took them out (feeling good about that accomplishment)...Daniel was terrified of the grass. I think I pushed him too hard. He calmed down in my lap and we spent the rest of our time outside with Daniel in my lap and Joshua playing with his toys. Albeit one of the times I set him in the grass was because Joshua's cozy coup fell over in the grass with him in it. He needed me and I knew Daniel would be alright, but I had two crying boys for a minute. Joshua was fine after "-o-ee iss it" (Mommy kiss it) and Daniel stopped crying once in my lap again. But they did go for a ride in the wagon so Joshua could pick blueberries. Daniel wasn't smiling but he wasn't crying either and of course Joshua is happy outside.
Babysteps in all things. I looked around and prayed that Daniel would be able to take in God's glorious creation one day. The flowers, the grass, the sunshine, the trees, the sounds of birds and bugs. I'm pretty sure that this day will come, but I'm also pretty sure that we will help him not just through nurture (though that's vital). We'll need professional help as well.
There's a song by Sara Groves "Eye on the Prize." I've hummed it over and over. "The way is slow and we've so far to go...Keep your eyes on the prize...hold on." I feel very close to the Lord right now. Even in the exhaustion. I know that I have two blessing asleep in their bed. I steward blessings for a career. And if suffering comes with the blessing then it's partaking in Christ's suffering which will produce fruit. It's a good life. The Lord will provide for what these boys need. I have to believe that! And I do.
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