This week I've felt like myself again. I haven't fought the fatigue and nausea that I did throughout my first trimester. Though my symptoms aren't as strong as a lot of people we know, I've been just tired enough and just nauseated enough to slow me down. This week has been so much better.
August seems to be the month of evaluations for Daniel and is flying by so far. We have his occupational, hearing, speech, and feeding evaluation this week. Later this month he has dental and vision evaluations. We actually had occupational Tuesday. Thankfully, Joshua can attend these sessions with me, saving us a small fortune in childcare. Just like the PT said regarding his gross motor skills, the OT believes that he has the ability, range of motion, and interest to complete fine motor tasks he just lacks the strength and exposure to them.
I know I've mentioned this before, but he's going to receive services both through Babies Can't Wait and Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. We have enjoyed working with both. I feel like both are gifts from the Lord. Babies Can't Wait offers Occupational, Physical, and Speech therapy, but they are more of a coaching program for parents. They work with developmentally delayed infants and toddlers in the home. Having them come into our home has been most advantageous for me as a stay at home mom, especially since though we are receiving professional help, it is up to me to go through the exercises with Daniel daily. The people we've worked with with BCW have had such a teacher's heart. They've given me contact information telling me to call, text, or email anytime for more ideas of how to help him. Evaluations take a while. We now have to wait for everything thing to be written into a report and then BCW will meet with us to develop a care plan. This will transfer into an IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) once he is 3 years old should we go that route (which we probably will for speech). We've been told he can have an IEP with our county regardless of our means of education (home school, private school, public).
Children's Healthcare of Atlanta...where do I begin saying how grateful I am for them. CHOA has a nice facility in the hospital closest to us (about 30 minutes away). Fayette Piedmont is also where my OB is located and where I'll deliver Baby. Talk about convenient!!! Thank you Lord!!! Once all of his PT, OT, speech/feeding evals are complete they like BCW will meet to develop a treatment plan that is best suited for Daniel and most economical with our insurance plan.
As I've mentioned before Daniel had a cleft lip and still has a cleft palate. CHOA has a cranio-facial team which will include a group of surgeons as well as therapists, pediatric dentists, and other specialists. We have a consultation appointment the beginning October where we'll learn more about his upcoming surgery/surgeries. We hope to work towards scheduling them then. Though in July when we came home October seemed like another life away, by the time we have that appointment we will already have met and received services with almost all of the doctors except the surgeons. So this gradual journey to healing for Daniel has really already begun, not to mention the longer we wait before major surgery the more time he has to grow close to us and learn to trust us. The Lord knows he's spent so much of his life in a hospital already, he needs to spend time at home. His next hospital stay will be WITH his family. Praise Jesus!
We asked my mom to come stay with Joshua this Friday while Daniel and I spend all morning at CHOA. Then it occurred to Nathan and me that since she's spending Thursday night anyway, we should ask her if we could go on a date. Then we realized that since it's our 10 year anniversary Thursday, a date is much needed. Life is kind of moving fast-paced right now. We dream of taking a vacation to the beach (any beach) together just the two of us and it will happen someday, but for our 10 year we went to China. And if you'd have told us 10 years ago that's what we'd be doing, we'd have been very excited. Nathan asked me tonight if I had it to do all over again would I have walked down the aisle. I would have run down the aisle. We're living our dreams. He's my best friend. He's amazing. Nathan means "gift," and he is a precious gift.
I've had another personal anniversary this summer. 10 years ago while engaged, finishing my last semester of classes before my internship in early childhood education, and living in a tiny roach infested duplex in Auburn with one of my best friends, I journeyed to a small group Bible study where we went through Beth Moore's Believing God. I had a personal revival that forever changed me. Wanting a fresh anointing of faith this summer, especially with added pressure and responsibility that can threaten to discourage me, I picked up the workbook and started it again. Oh my! What a blessing it has been!!!!
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.
I'm believing God!
She had us tie a blue tassel (idea taken from Scripture) around our wrist with five knots in it to represent these five statements. It was my something blue August 8, 2004. It was thin, shear blue ribbon barely noticeably except to me.
This week has been about the statement one. The fifth day is about our Creator God creating us. Here's an excerpt from today's reading:
Perhaps you are adopted, and although you know the mother who raised you, you don't know your biological mother. God certainly did and still does. God knew her intimately enough to choose her womb for the place where He would fearfully and wonderfully fashion you. God hid you in a blanket of soft tissue and bid your heart to beat. For many days He alone knew you existed. You were His secret. God's own skillful hands knit you together, His watchful eyes gazed on you, and His wise counsel ordained each of your days before you squinted from the light of your first.
That was for you, Qiumeng. None of it was accidental. To quote a good friend, "For reasons known only to Him, God decided you would bring him more glory here than with your birth family." This is your birth month, and not a birthday of yours will go by without me thinking of your life story. He's always been there. Just like a friend from Beijing said, "Qiumeng, that's a good name." And it is. All the days ordained for you were written in His book before one of them came to be. True to your name, you will through His Spirit sprout dreams for His glory some day.
First I had to let the entire text sink down deep remembering this truth over me. Then I thought about my children. He knows. Psalm 139 was today's text. He is intimately acquainted with all our ways.
I'm trying to listen hard to His voice these days. I've spent too many years reasoning against that still small voice. I've spent too many years afraid to just be intimate with Him and believe that He speaks to me. But he speaks to anyone who will listen and submit to what He says.
Joshua is so precious. His two-year-old personality is blossoming everyday. He's able with each week to articulate what's going on in his little head. He's starting to sing songs and share his thoughts. He talks almost non-stop and I absolutely love it. Tonight we read the story of Zacchaeus in the Jesus Storybook Bible. The illustration of Jesus at Zacchaeus' house has Zacc. standing on a stool shaking Jesus' hand. Joshua said, "-ac-ac-us needs to get down...for he hurts him-felf." He has warmed up to Daniel and acts like he's always been around. These two are growing in brotherly love. We have a long way to go, but I've seen enough change to believe it's possible for them to be close. Now for me to have the faith to believe such things without seeing glimpses. I think one of the sweetest things he does right now in the midst of rapid growth is ask us to rock him and feed him his sippy cup of water...as he sees us do for Daniel (who still takes a bottle at night and upon waking up). We have two rocking chairs in the living room, so we happily oblige. It's then that I still see glimpses of him as an infant especially in those sleepy eyes that doze with sucking on his sippy cup.
Before I sound like I'm all warm and fuzzy all of the time...just oozing with nurture and a tender voice, I want to be totally forthright in saying that I have to be firm with both of them a good portion of the day resulting in discipline, crying, and sometimes me wanting to bang my head against the wall at least twice daily sometimes more. They are two and testy. They're supposed to be, but I am also supposed to do my job in raising them. Like James Dopson once said, (paraphrased) "Some say boys will be boys, but boys will be men." We can't afford to not raise them with instruction and boundaries. And it can be physically and emotionally exhausting. I think one of the greatest things God is teaching me lately is to not be fearful or guilty over man-made law. Parenting philosophies abound (oh my goodness especially with adoption), but if it's not in Scripture, then it has no right to make me feel guilty when I don't adhere. We have been blessed tremendously with extensive training regarding toddler adoption and attachment, but all we've learned are tools...NOT LAWS. And God is teaching me that He can heal anything and that His grace abounds where I lack abilities (2 Cor.). He is Creator God who can and does create something from nothing. Like a friend told me months ago, He is in the business of making all things new!
And speaking of my Creator God, we get to find out the gender of this new little one He's knitting together, sometime within the next two weeks. I am thrilled about finding out!
I know this is a ridiculously long post already, but this is almost like family journal for me and for the sake of recording, I'm going to list our daily routine. It's been such a blessing to feel His friendship with me in the home just like I felt His presence in the classroom seven years ago. I am a school teacher at heart, but I always dreamed of being a school teacher in the home. Nothing thrilled me more than arranging my classroom and daily routine in such a way as to make the most of every single moment with the kiddos. I loved seeing them learn. I'm finding that being a stay-at-home mom is just the same for me. When I think of myself as a teacher, I feel no desire to find work outside of the home. I have a vested interest in these two and love to watch them learn.
- Breakfast: while we eat...
- Read stories.
- Count with fingers.
- Sing songs with hand motions
- After we eat but while still at the table we play with puzzles. Daniel and I do some OT exercises.
- After breakfast we brush teeth and get dressed.
- We play outside until lunch.
- Lunch (They watch TV while eating and I clean between feeding Daniel)
- After lunch I do some math games with Joshua using Fruit Loops (Generic)
- After lunch we play in the playroom
- They take turns with me in the art room (attached closet) while the other plays alone.
- Daniel's story time. Joshua can sit beside me while I read easy board books with textures and foldouts.
- I put Daniel down for a nap with a bottle, while Joshua plays in the playroom.
- Joshua and I read in the living room until he is sleepy. We're going through "Before Five in a Row" storybooks. I love these! I'll read as long as he sits still.
- Joshua's nap time.
- (I try to clean and cook supper and have my prayer time)
- They both wake up from nap very fussy. We sit in the rocking chair for a while and try to wake up.
- Then we play
- Since we had to cut out Music Garden this year because of our crazy unpredictable schedule, I sit them down in the living room and do music with them using the materials we've previously purchased. They love it. (We're big fans of the Music Garden in Peachtree City...worth every lesson...just a little advertising I guess.)
- Nathan comes home and Supper time.
- We are going through Children Desiring God's toddler curriculum. I know "curriculum" sounds very formal...it's not. It's very sweet and age appropriate Bible lessons with hand motions and sweet songs. The stories are told in such a way that Joshua can repeat them.
- Nathan and I take turns giving the boys baths (not quite ready to bathe together).
- Then we sit in the living room, read Jesus Storybook Bible, rock and put them to bed. Sometimes it's smooth as butter. Sometimes it's crazy.
We're in a sweet, sweet season even if it does feel like I'm riding an emotional roller coaster some days. God is sustaining me. I will choose to say no to discouragement that really can lead to fatigue. I will choose to believe that God will give me everything I need to fulfill His purpose for me. And as a side note, I don't feel as lonely with two little boys as I did at times with one. I think this is because of the gift of busyness. :) I'm too busy (or tired) to feel lonely as a stay at home mom right now. And really I'm just grateful (well most of the time) because I'm witnessing God provide in amazing ways in every area.
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