A Powerful Quote for My Vulnerability...

Okay those of you praying for us as we seek to adopt, (I wish I had more time to sit and think through how I'm going to write these posts, but alas I have a napping baby and time if of the essence ;)...we're so so close to submitting our formal application. We are going to sit down and proof read it tomorrow. Here's some of what's going on in my mind...

• This is a season where we are trying to say yes to God. We'll see where this application takes us...His will be done..even though my heart's desire is for our application to be approved. It's humbling and faith testing to know that we have to be "approved." We just do. It's part of it. And let me be clear that it's a GOOD part of it. I'm so glad that Bethany care deeply about the well being of children! Sooo glad!!! I'm so grateful that God is Sovereign. I can REST, yes rest in the fact that He will move in ways that are out of my control and I can trust Him.
• I am not the Savior. Jesus Christ is The Savior and Lord! And He is GOOD at that! So I will rest in His goodness.
• I'm trusting that He will guide our decisions. May He work in our hearts in such a way that they BURN with conviction for His will to be done. May His desire burn so strongly that we cannot help but to say "no" to our natural/sinful desires and fears.

Those who know me, know that I'm a Beth Moore junky. When we're together in His Kingdom someday, I'm pretty sure He'll give me the opportunity to tell her that there were some seasons in my life when she was like my best friend. As God would have it on my quest to read through the Bible and study the minor prophets, He has me studying Esther right now and soaking in the Old Testament timeline. Since Beth has a book on that, I purchased it and have been blessed to have done so. Esther is the perfect story to speak to my vulnerability through this process. I needed some courage today, and here's the quote Beth gave me ;)

"At some of the hardest times in my life, I have been able to make more difficult choices out of pure blind-eyed, bent-kneed acceptance that it was somehow part of a greater plan. I was beaten by a conviction that throbbed relentlessly against my strong self-centeredness. As much as my flesh wanted relief, I knew that when all was said and done, I'd sit on that side of glory having much rather fulfilled my calling than serve myself all the way to meaninglessness. I had to accept that I was not called to an easy life. I was called to a purposeful life.....Beloved, in the times of greatest struggle when you make the Godward decision over convenience, earthly comfort, or carnal pleasure, you too have come to a critical moment in the fulfillment of your destiny. A defining moment. A war is being waged over your head in the unseen realm, and a great cloud of witnesses is cheering you on. You have no idea what's at stake."   Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman pg.98

Well when you put it that way, Beth ;)

...And a good hardy thank You Jesus for Beth.

But in a way I do know what's at stake...I mean not in an God-sized-omnipotent-understand-reality-outside-of-time-and-can-see-the-whole-picture-and-is-the-author-of-the-whole-story kind of way...but I do know that somewhere in this world is a person whom God has placed on my heart...a child. And I am PRAYING that soon (yes specifically soon) Baby (I say Baby because that's how I referred to Joshua before I knew he was a boy...so that's how I'll refer to our adopted child until I know boy or girl) can sleep in our home where the Holy Spirit dwells and be our child and until I get to see this happen with my own eyes, I am PRAYING and choosing to trust that His Spirit (Who is not limited to any location) is with him and is sovereign.

And I also know that right here in this little room is a mommy who is well aware she is a sinner and am so grateful to be able to approach His throne of grace, free to make all kinds of petitions with thankfulness, and safe to be vulnerable before my King. Lord please give us the courage to say yes to Your will.