His First Illness

Right now, I'm sitting on my front porch in the quiet sunshine and trying to pause and soak in the story of God's provision for this week. Like so many of you who blog, mine is kind of like a public journal, so some of these details are for me and our family...ways to remember. After two weeks of busyness (what I consider good busyness...working with HeartCry), I was so excited last weekend for our schedule to hit a lull. I savored being home and not having too much (or anything) crammed into the day. I finished house chores in about an hour and enjoyed the rest of the day with Joshua, playing. Then when he napped I walked and read...perfect Monday! Then I started to feel sick Monday...Tuesday a little worse, but no big deal because I have allergies and cold-like symtoms is one way my body welcomes the holiday season (Deck the Halls and Pass the Tissue...;)

But Wednesday night Joshua woke up congested for the first time in his 4 and half month life. I've known the day was coming, and I've kind of dreaded it in the back of my mind.

THis might seem kind of random, but I've been going through the major and minor prophets in the Bible since this time last year. I felt God leading me to really soak in what He has to say in these precious but often neglected books. So for the past two months I've been in Ezekiel and Daniel studying eschatology...the "End Times." I just so happened to be in Daniel in 2008 when we first moved to Peachtree City and during the Obama/McCain campaign. I find it to be no coincidence at all. I know that God is telling me that there is so much more going on in the Heavenlies...and He is Ruler over all. He is. But in these books is certain call for urgent and diligent obedience as well as strong discernment for good/evil...true/false...and and urgency to obey the Lord. Scripture is that double edged sword that pierces the heart and convicts...I'm staring at my weaknesses in the face.

Now keep in mind before I write what I'm about to write...I know what the Scripture says about these topics. I know in my head facts about my faith. I KNOW Jesus and know what He says is true. The reason I record this fact is that deep down for the past, I don't know--month, I haven't felt Him. There have been times in my life where, though I didn't hear Him audibly, I felt His presence in such a powerful way that my obedience was carried out with firm confidence. Lately, I read Scripture, I pray, I act based on what I believe He is telling me to do...but I haven't felt His presence. Basically, deep down, what I've been asking Him...but do you really love...me? Do you really...? Me??? I know...I know...He does...but in my heart...I've been well for lack of a better word (or a word that makes me feel better about myself)...doubting.

So Wednesday comes, Joshua is sick. Oh no...but I start saying all the right things in my head...speaking truth about God. But honestly, I was scared...And I was also telling Jesus that "even though this isn't a big deal for most...I'm scared...plain and simple."

And simply put...God sent a friend in my time of need. Her name is Joy...Joy Baldwin Finch...my sweet friend whom I credit for leading me to a life altering repentence in high school with her fiery conviction and sweet spirit! Joy answered her phone and I got to share my heart. It's amazing the ministry of friendship!

She spoke truth that I needed to hear and reminded me of what I already knew to be true. Amazing how when I hit a spiritual or mental block and I can't find the salve of certain Scripture promises...God often uses others to speak them to me.

So I was reminded (sorry for a lack of reference...pressed for time ;-) :

• God tests faith.
• Blessed are those who believe and have not seen.
• We walk by faith not by sight
• God disciplines His children whom He loves.

And something else to remember...sometimes life circumstances are a test of faith. All the sudden I saw my little challenges to be excercises of faith and remembered that the Holy Spirit is here very present...acutely aware of everything...and in a sense...I was given spiritual eyes and ears once more to very much know that I was right where God wanted me to be. And He strengthened me.

Another thing I'm doing on a daily basis is speaking out the truth (even when my heart doesn't grasp the reality of what I'm saying) that nothing in this world belongs to me. It's all His. I'm going to choose to focus on the New Heaven and Earth that is to come. Obedience is much easier when I remember the futileness of clinging to (and loving) this world.

This week I've tried to focus on nurturing my family...specifically our sweet baby. Joshua has bronciolitis (sp?). I'm trying to focus on these things:

• Feeding him.
• Aspirating his nose.
• Giving him the albuterol (sp?) through the nebulizer (sp?).
• Massaging him with lotion.
• keeping socks on his feet and using baby chest rub.
• Cleaning cleaning cleaning cleaning...like a crazy woman.

But God has been so faithful to speak to me through His word. And yes, I still find myself fearful. And yes, I speak truth out loud...and actually last night I felt my heart strengthened. He is and will be faithful. In my weakness He is strong.


Here's Joshua enjoying a steamy bathroom...trying to loosen up that mucus.

 

Sweet boy having to breath out of his mouth.

 

 

 

Going back to the doctor to check out his cough.

He's being such a little trouper.

Today he's been more energetic. He still congestted, but much less coughing and drooling like crazy. :)

And on a happier note, here is his new Christmas stocking.