Some Starbucks, Some Sleep, and Some Super Smiles

Our little six week old started smiling last week.

It seems like forever since I've blogged. I keep meaning to post something but either don't get around to writing or don't want to sound opinionated. We've had to make lots of decisions about how we're going to parent during the first month and half since Joshua's birth. Parenting choices are such a sensitive subject because most parents want to do their best, and what's best looks different for each family.

I will say this: I cried out to God for a week and a half for Him to speak to our hearts and teach us how to "structure" our home. I longed to have some order, routine, predictability. I needed a set time with God. As I learned Joshua's personality, I realized that he longed for the same thing. He's a sleepy baby (which we've been told is a wonderful wonderful gift ;)...and sleepy babies need sleep. He is easily over-stimulated and thrives with a daily routine which incorporates newness slowly. God is faithful to answer our prayers. He sent friends to us to who came over to our house and showed us how to put Joshua on a schedule (I know "schedules" and "infants" don't jive for a lot of people. I respect that completely. We have just done what our family needed to do, and God is blessing what we believe He's led us to do.).

Three weeks ago I was desperate to have a home again instead of chaos. Three weeks ago my sweet mother came and stayed with us on a Friday night so that Nathan and I could go on a date. I beginning to wonder if something was wrong with Joshua because he seemed so colicky. Everytime he fell asleep, he would soon wake-up again upset (loudly upset). He cried even when feeding. We planned a night in Senioa which was to end at the cute little coffee shop. Our plans changed, however, when the coffee shop was closed, so we went to Starbucks instead. I tried to savor my tall skinny decaffeinated cinnamon dulce latte, but I couldn't hold back the tears. So I cried right outside at our little table in front of everybody. Nathan didn't cry, but he said he felt everything I was feeling. If I showed you my prayer journal, you'd see that everyday for a week and a half I prayed God would show me a routine for Joshua. Enter: our friends from church. I don't know if they want me to share their names so I won't. They weren't planning to go to that particular Starbucks that night. They meant to stop at the one about five miles down the road but "forgot"(...I just have to wonder if God's hand was in it ;) so they stopped at The Avenue and ran into us. I shared my heart with them. I knew they had children so I solicitated their advice...as in "Tell me EVERYTHING you do." They didn't have time to chat but said that they "just so happened" to be signed up to bring us supper on Sunday (thanks to our SS class who provided meals for an entire month!!!) So when ____ showed up at my door Sunday evening I was ready to plead with her to stay and talk to me. She came ready to visit, however. The Saturday night before had been the hardest. Joshua actually DID not sleep at all. He cried all night. We thought, "okay, he cried all night so we'll just have to sleep in the morning." Wrong...he cried all morning. So when _____ sat me down that night and said "Okay, here's what you do. #1, #2, #3..... I knew that God's hand was in it. God's peace (that intuition that the Holy Spirit gives you that gives you confidence to make decisions which aren't explicitly laid out in Scripture) rested on my heart, and I knew that despite the fact that her advice would never be published in Parenting Magazine or on BabyCenter.com it was exactly what I needed to be doing. What did she have me do...put Joshua on a feeding/sleeping schedule...period. She also shared that it is OKAY for him to cry if his crying is due to not wanting to follow the schedule at first.

Here's where I want to be perfectly clear that every parent has to pray about what's right for the little one with whom they've been entrusted. I'm NOT about to say that ALL parents should do what we've done. What I am saying is that JOSHUA took to this schedule the very first night. I thought since he'd been such a fussy baby that I would have to endure hours and hours of crying as he adjusted. NOT SO! He was so craving structure and craving a confident mommy who confidently and lovingly gave him what he needed that he cried maybe a total of two hours during the next 24. (That was an exceptionally little amount of crying...but God knew I needed little crying that first day to give me confidence.) I'll say it again...a schedule was what JOSHUA needed.

God heard my cry for help. I will now forever love Psalm 127 in a very personal way. God is working through my fears. I was acting in fear and guilt instead of in faith. I use past tense very loosely because I still struggle with fear, guilt, and shame. But God is working with me in these areas and he's brought me a looonnnggg way in the past month and a half:

• I've been afraid that Joshua would stop breathing in the night...so I got up about every thirty minutes to watch his chest go up and down.
• I've felt guilty for craving sleep and wanting sleep. Strong (together) mom's sacrifice sleep and painfully, drearily stay up with their babies. My sleepiness makes me weak. And I've struggled with feeling ashamed of weakness.

I've since researched the doctrine of sleep. Yes, there is a doctrine of sleep. God created it and ordained it to show us our weakness, our need for Him. Sleep is can actually be a form of worship because it is an act of faith...demonstrating that I trust God enough to surrender my life and drift into dream land. So in light of sharing my fear, guilt, and shame listen to Psalm 127 and if you need to hear this too, I pray that this Psalm is the same salve for you as it is for me:

Unless the Lord builds the house,

the builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the guards stand watch in vain.

In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves. 

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him. 

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them. 

They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.

I will forever be grateful to the LORD for His guarding, sleep, children, and shamelessness all in the same Psalm...wrapped up into one sweet prayer that I'll say the rest of my life.

Guard our home, please Lord. Grant us sleep, please Lord. Children are a gift from You, Lord. I didn't make this little man...you did. HE IS YOURS...NOT MINE.

So I'm gaining confidence daily. Because of this God-given confidence, I can enjoy this little blessing (pictured below ;) all the more. Here are some photos...

 Joshua's first real bath!

 Joshua's focusing his eyes more and more each week!

Our first family vacation was to the lake for our anniversary. We had a pleasant and peaceful time together.

Little man's ready to go fishing. Okay, so basically he's not ready for anything at the lake. But that didn't stop us from taking pictures of him in his "fishing" attire  swimsuit (which he wore only for pictures).  ;)

So we just praise Him for each day and thank Him for our daily bread.