Why I need Easter.

Today I'm blessed with a quiet day at home doing laundry and reading. I'm pretty sure that this season of quietness is easing towards the end. I really wonder what life will be like a year from now. Joshua is growing healthily...and my due date is twelve weeks away. I had an appointment yesterday at the doctor's office which is located in the hospital (on the same floor) where I plan to deliver.

As I was walking towards the elevator I saw a family in the waiting area anticipating meeting the latest addition to the clan.

Somehow (I think, I guess because they were cheering when they heard the cries) they had a monitor and could hear the baby's first moments of crying. That sound moved me to tears...which really caught me off guard. I can usually anticipate things that will make me cry...a baby's first cry has never brought me to tears before.

I walked through Kroger (still woozy and faint from the Glucose test) and stopped to look at every baby balloon, book, and stuffed animal.

I felt an urge to hold my baby...which was uniquely a first. It's not that I haven't anticipated being a parent. It's not that I don't love to hold small children, but to be honest...my fears have stifled my anticipation lately.

I want so badly for his life to be good. I want our home to be a happy place. I want him to have confidence. I want him to accomplish what he sets out to do. I want him to cherish exploration and learning. I want him to have truly close friends. I want to give him good gifts. I want him to have exciting Christmas', birthdays, and triumphs. I try to tell myself if I do my best, his life will be good and he will have those things. I buy into this lie that I can be the author and editor of his life.

But the Bible explains the reality that I already know in my heart. When I look into the mirror I see practically 30 years worth of the real me...I'm a sinner. No amount of accomplishments, accolades, charitable service, good works, or cleaning my house will cover the sin that taints my soul. And this is a fallen world...a world that awaits for Christ's return...a world full of sinners and full of the consequences of sin...pain, suffering, disappointment, hurt feelings, broken relationships, and broken dreams.

To quote Paul:

"There is none righteous, not even one; there is none who understands, there is none who seeks for God; All have turned aside, together they have become useless; there is none who does good, there is not even one." -Romans 3:11-12

"For the creation was subjected to futility, now willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves grown within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body." -Romans 8:20-23
And this redeemed sinner (who tends to forget she's a sinner saved by God's grace and tries to wear a mask of perfection) is chosen to be a mommy to a son.

I'd like to tell God "Oh thanks, thanks for my new role. I'm not going to mess up. I'm not going to be harsh. I'm not going to lazy. I'm not going to be selfish. You'll see God, I'm going to give this all I've got. My character, my consistency will be as solid as a rock" Yeah right! A rock...just like Peter when he denied Christ three times.(Thank God for Peter!!!!! I'm so much like Peter...Jesus' love for him gives me hope!) Then I look in the mirror and face the reality that my efforts have never worked before...and they won't work in the future. The same old quote that came out of my mouth about 25 years ago when I first understood my need for Jesus is uttered from my mouth over and over when it comes to being a mommy..."I just can't be good enough!" I said it to my mother in our station wagon on the way home from school when I was in Kindergarten.

I've said it to Jesus about ten times in the past day. I'm not saying that I'm not going to give parenting all I've got. What I'm saying is this:

I NEED JESUS!
I NEED MAUNDY THURSDAY...HIS SERVANT LEADERSHIP...HIS PASSOVER TO WASH ME!
I NEED GETHSEMANE AND HIS PRAYERS OVER ME!
I NEED HIS CROSS...I NEED HIS SACRIFICE FOR MY LIFE!
I NEED HIS RESURRECTION...THE CONQUERING OF MY INEVITABLE DEATH!
I NEED HIS LOVE!

I'm in tears again...unanticipated tears...He really does love me...with an UNEARNED love that will not fade away. And HE has called me to be a mommy. He knows I'll mess up...worse than Peter. He knows that Joshua will go through hard times. He knows that his sinful parents will at some point wound his soul. He knows my sinful tendencies (when I'm stuck doing what I don't want to do...Romans 7) will rub off on him. He just knows. And He's not afraid. The Creator is not afraid of His creation. And His infinite knowledge knows every day of Joshua's life...He's planned them from before the beginning of time.

So I can step down from pretending to be God (pretending some days that I can be perfectly in control and despairing some days because I have no control).
" As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:1-10 

Thank You, Lord, for a moment to once again embrace the truth that I'm a sinner...but You...as our merciful Creator and Redeemer, sacrificed Your life for mine just because You have chosen to love me. Thank You that I don't have to earn because I know that I can't.

I need Easter! May every milestone in my life...my first day of school, my highschool graduation, moving away from home, my wedding day, and becoming a mommy bring me to the feet of Jesus. Jesus' life, death, and resurrection is my hope. Joshua needs Jesus! He is Joshua's hope. I guess I should remember that the name, Joshua, means "The Lord is my salvation" and not "my mom and dad's awesome parenting is my salvation."

And so I can rest not in my abilities but in God's soverienty. I can rest with joyful anticipation of holding my baby and let go of fear. I can savor life and the season I'm in knowing that God holds the past, present, and future and will never let go of me. And the Lord is your salvation. We all need Jesus, and He offers His mercy and grace to You today!  

Praise the Lord Jesus! Happy Easter!

Easter Songs for Worshipping Jesus:
How Beautiful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL7nR-BWzO4&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fresults%3Fsearch_query%3Dhow%2Bbeautiful%26oq%3Dhow%2Bbeautiful%26aq%3Df%26aqi%3D%26aql%3D%26gs_nf%3D1%26gs_l%3Dyoutube-psuggest-reduced.3...1778663.1780481.0.1780676.13.8.0.0.0.0.0.0..0.0.&has_verified=1

Wonderful Merciful Savior
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiVvHxgHL5Q&feature=related

Photographs of our hospital and some of the other images in this post are selected from Google Images.

Peaceful Pictures that make me smile...Welcome Spring...



I think Spring is my favorite time of year. Our grass began turning green within the last week. I love seeing everything come back to life, even after such a mild winter. Just a little over a year ago, we planted the first little trees and shrubs...creating a yard around our home. It was this time last year that I discovered a hobby...gardening. I'm so thankful all these little plants are alive one year later. So, I thought I'd share to celebrate.

And this is why Chloe lives outside :) I wish I had her on video. Her usual ritual (year-round): dash into the water, leap out, sprint to the nearest pile of horse manure, ROLL...ROLL..ROLL...dash to the barn to find a horse hoof clipping (her favorite chew toy...she completely ignores the Kong we bought for her :)

The little concrete bunny just makes me smile.

I don't remember the title of the country song...it played when I was a child...something like "She's gone country..." I don't know the rest of the words (good or bad...lol) but as revealed in this shot...I've gone country...with a clothes line and all. Here's the crazy thing. I find hanging clothes to be relaxing. I guess I love it because I'm outside in the sunshine with only the sounds of birds, bees, the trees blowing in the wind. And I like to watch the laundry blow in the wind.

I AM CRAZY ABOUT BLUEBERRIES!!!!! And you can see them in the early stage of development. I can't wait for the sweet summer berries!

The other think Chloe lives for...begs for...even when she's wet and smelly...is a tummy rub. Could she look sweeter in this picture?

 

It's the little things in life that make me smile...like tiny purple flowers in our driveway.

Nathan was taught that it is a good idea to plant the vegetable garden on Good Friday. Oh the symbolism involved with that teaching. This year we plan to plant the same as last year: tomatoes, squash, and peppers. Nathan plowed a bigger spot and we may add sweet potatoes, onions, and corn. We'll see. Now I want to learn to can. 

Waking Up Again...

I've started using our new camera during the past few weeks. I do think this is my favorite time of year...when the flowers start to bloom and the trees come back to life. Here are some pictures around our place. I'm trying to learn how to enlarge the pictures for the blog...any advice on how to do that is welcome.

Rain...Rain...Chance of Severe Storms?...The Perfect Day for Another Yard Sale

Thank you to all who have been praying through the month of March for the Thompson family. For anyone who just happened to wonder upon this blog and don't know us, I am pregnant with our first child, Joshua Randal and we are saving for an adoption which we pray to begin this time next year! I am so amazed at how family and friends have helped us prepare to be parents...throughout my current pregnancy and as we save for an adoption. I shared at the end of February some of the fundraising events we had coming up in March. We had another yard sale last weekend for our adoption fund (March 3rd). This time my parents, my Aunt Elizabeth, and Mrs. Becky were the heroes. I can't wait to tell our children some day just how loved and prayed over they are.

On Thursday I traveled to Tallassee with a car load (picture a car packed to its maximum capacity). I talked to my mom before I left and we shared with each other how God was preparing us for the weekend. I find it to be no coincidence that every time we've planned a yard sale so far the weather forecast has been far less than ideal. We came to the conclusion that God is wanting to teach us once again to rely on Him.

Here's some of my journal March 1st:

Father, I'm going to quiet myself--with Your help. I need this time to learn from You.--learn Your perspective. You know all things. We've planned this yard sale--but You know what You want to happen. Perspective on the Yard Sale:

• You aren't anxious about it. You don't need a yard sale. You could speak the word and the money could automatically be in our account.
• You may want us to hold onto things for the sale in Auburn-maybe.
• You care about my attitude and heart regarding this sale.
• You may want to amaze us and bring people even with rain.

Please fill me with Your Spirit and teach me from Your Word.

Friday was a day of happy memories. My mom and I went to Opelika and she took me shopping (well technically...she and I shopped for Joshua) We had an awesome time getting to see my dear friend/sister Lindsey R, shopping at Kids Clothes Connection, and eating Chick-fil-a (because you can never eat there enough).

I don't have to tell you that Friday night was terribly bad weather. I went to Walmart to buy tarps to cover items. As I was checking out the lady at the register said, "I know what you're doing...you're getting ready for this storm." My reply: "Actually, I'm getting ready for a yard sale :) " If only I had a picture of her face. Story of my life...I always have to be the odd ball (lol).

Another highlight of our Friday was having my Aunt Elizabeth come to help. We stayed up late arranging items and eating Dairy Queen Blizzards. Just making more memories...Here are some pictures of all the stuff we had for this sale....during a storm.

Here is the stuff that wouldn't fit in the garage. We moved stuff out as the space became available.

That journal entry from above...Option Number Four: that was it. He amazed us. We had rain most of the day and people shopped anyway. Thankfully, my parents have a garage and everything was inside of it.

Before I share any further, I know that many of our Tallassee friends saw that we were having a yard sale and came. Thank you so very much. We haven't really officially advertised the yard sales as for adoption but I know many of you know what it was for. Thank you...every little penny counts.

The yard sale was even more prosperous than the last one. And to top off what I already considered an awesome day...someone came at the end around 4:30 and bought EVERYTHING that was left! My sweet parents did not have to sit in the midst of stuff for another two weeks waiting for the Auburn sale (we'll have much to carry to Auburn as well ;)

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow! If you feel led, please pray for next Saturday's yard sale. In the future I have lots of updates on Joshua's nursery, the farm, and our latest (and perhaps my favorite) fundraiser for the adoption...Art for Adoption.

((  Also, for family and friends who want to see the baby bump, I'm considering a maternity picture...considering. I think I can post one especially for you Lauren. I love you and miss you so badly.  ))

Funny Dreams...Is it pregnancy?

For whatever reason, I'm thinking it's pregnancy, I have these vivid dreams lately. While some of them have been nightmares, waking me with a rush of adrenaline, most of them are pretty funny.

Last week I dreamed I went surfing. It seemed so natural for me to be in the ocean catching waves with my surf board ;)

A few weeks ago I dreamed that I went back to the classroom. I walked in on the night of OPEN HOUSE (The day before school started), looked down, and I was wearing my big flannel pajamas. My hair wasn't combed, and I was wearing no make-up. Then as if that wasn't bad enough I realized that I hadn't worked in my new classroom at all during the summer. I didn't even know where the classroom was! I didn't even know what grade I was hired to teach! I became so angry with myself because I let all this time slip away and had done nothing to prepare. I had to walk into the administrator's office and ask her where my classroom was. Of course, she stared at me in amazement and at that point I woke up.

Last night I dreamed that Joshua was born and we were at home. Nathan and I were in the kitchen and he started screaming because he needed a clean diaper. I realized that I had no diapers in the house, no blankets or clothes to wrap him in, and our house had no order to it at all.

I'm no dream specialist, but perhaps I'm feeling unprepared? lol...except for the one where I went surfing...what was that all about ;)

Happenings in Our Home: An Invitation to Pray with Us

I'm 22 weeks pregnant with Joshua. He's kicking frequently now which is so much fun for this first time mommy. Praise the Lord and thanks to our family and friends, Nathan and I have made great progress in preparing to bring him home. The nursery furniture is purchased but not in his room yet. We have a rocking chair, travel system, pack-n-play, swing, high chair, several boxes of clothes, carrier (I can't remember what it's really called...it's the baby carrier that straps around you), baby blanket and pillow, bath towels, and a few toys. He is already much loved! I think my wonderful mom is going to come stay with us in May one weekend and teach me how to sew as well as sew some curtains and maybe even bedding for Joshua. (Thanks MOM!!!...or Gammy) I'm sure I'll include pictures later of the nursery when I get his things more organized. The due date is June 27th.

We're also making progress in saving for adoption. We are praying to begin the process of a China adoption next April (we invite you to pray along with us towards that end). Here are some of the methods of saving and raising we've implemented so far:

• We took savings from what was going to be for my tuition for the PhD at New Orleans BTS and put it towards the adoption.
• I've babysat, substitute taught, and ironed (and will be glad to continue for anyone in the Senoia, PTC, Fayetteville, Pike and Meriwether county area...for a donation towards adoption)
• I'm an assistant teacher on Wednesdays for New Hope South's Weekday Preschool.
• We had a very successful yard sale February 12th
• I'm selling books and movies on Amazon.
• Nathan has arranged a horse trade that resulted in being able to put some money towards adoption.
• God has enabled us to save each month through various means (rebates, low power bills, low grocery bills, etc).

Here are some of the fundraisers we have coming up (if you feel led, please pray for these coming up:

• I'm going to deliver a good number of spring items to a local clothing consignment store next Wednesday.
• We have another yard sale in Tallassee on March 3rd. --To all our Tallassee friends and family, the yard sale is advertized on and in Tallassee TV, Tallassee Times, and the Tribune for details if you're interested :) We'll also be posting signs.
• I'm continuing to sale books and movies on Amazon (Thank you everyone who have and are donating books and movies for us to sell.)
• Nathan is selling two horses on April 28th (Gus, the horse he has as a result of a trade, and Freckles). We've decided to keep Dudley. Dudley is the sweetest horse I've ever seen. I'm intimidated by most horses but I'm not intimidated by him at all. So, we're keeping him for our children to ride. As Nathan will tell you, he's for sale but for a higher price ;) He's less than three years old so he can live well into Joshua's twenties...not that we want to pressure our kids to ride in any way, but if they want to...Dudley's the horse they need. I'm getting off track. 
• POSSIBLE FUNDRAISER: We may have a location to set up a table in the Spring and Fall Cotton Picking Festival in Gay. I'm thinking of selling barn wood crafts and prints of the Olive Tree Painting.
• Tallassee Trade Day Booth: my mom and aunt have taught me to make these beautiful sugar cookies, so I'll be selling cookies, barn wood crafts, prints of the Olive Tree Painting and possibly raffling off an Auburn Football Basket and an Alabama Football Basket.

But the big fund raiser that I'm interested in starting by late spring (hopefully by April) is an art sale. I have a painting of an Olive Tree with a story as to how it represents those adopted into the family of God through Jesus Christ. I meet with a business in Fayetteville about the cost of printing. I think the prints of the painting will be offered in three different sizes all of which are very affordable. I'll be writing in detail about this one later.

So far we are 1/4 of the way toward the estimated goal total. If you have some fundraising ideas that you would like to share, I'd love to hear! I've been reading a few blogs with good ideas but I'm always looking for more.

Praise to the Lord

I'm overwhelmed by God's provisions! This is His song in me today...one of my favorite old hymns.

Praise To The Lord The Almighty

Praise to the Lord, the almighty, the King of creations;
O my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation:
All ye who hear,
Now to His temple draw near,
Joining in glad adoration.

Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shieldeth thee gently from harm, or when fainting sustaineth:
Hast thou not seen
How thy heart's wishes have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy work and defend thee;
Surely His goodness and mercy shall daily attend thee:
Ponder anew
What the Almighty can do,
If to the end He befriend thee.

Praise to the Lord! O let all that is in me adore Him!
All that hath life and breath, come now with praises before Him!
Let the Amen
Sound from His people again:
Gladly for ay we adore Him.