There are little things around the house that we need to purchase (and a car seat), but for the most part this house is ready for our Tot. But there's more to being prepared than just purchasing the right stuff.
Preparing our Minds:
Here are some things I would really like for anyone who knows us to understand about our family in the months ahead as we pursue traveling to China to bring home our son. Rather than writing about some of these topics, I'm including links below that I think summarize adoption topics very well (even if we don't adhere to their plan entirely). I will add, though, that I haven't found much specifically addressing the initial attachment/cocooning with our specific situation. Joshua (almost 20 months) has never known life without Mama and Daddy. Thompson Tot will be joining us and we're reading everything we can find to help restore the years we've lost with him. Nathan and I have discussed, prayed, and decided that we're all in this together...all four of us. That means that the little things we'll be doing to nurture and discipline Thompson Tot (some of which are methods specifically suggested for toddler adoption) we'll be using with Joshua and (as of last weekend) we're using with Joshua now. For one thing, we've been given some great ideas about how to teach good communication from these adoption classes (they're really about parenting...period). I think it's sticking because tonight Joshua was trying to get my attention and he said "Mama, Mama...EYES!" (If you're in the adoption world and have listened to Dr. Purvis I think you'll appreciate that) "Yes Joshua you have my eyes and full attention." ;) That also means that disciplinary methods we don't use with Thompson Tot...will not be used with Joshua. There's so much more I could say about that, but basically I plan to be doing and saying the same things to and with both toddlers. We're in this together. We will strive to be consistent.
Which brings me to this God-send. Last weekend God answered some of my prayers in a MAJOR way. He sent us to Empowered To Connect (click the link to learn more) . Yes, please click on the link! Here are the books that we purchased, are devouring, and yes very much recommend (click on the title to pull up more information):
The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
We were also given a copy of "Created to Connect: A Christian's Guide to the Connected Child."
The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind (Let me just say, when I saw the title it thought "this sounds like a book about how to create a genius." It's NOT! It's about how to nurture the little mind God created in your child through helping us understand how the brain functions left (logic) right (emotion) "upstairs brain" (imagining, dreaming, planning ) "downstairs brain" (human instinct...fight, flight, freeze) and it explains how one is only healthy when these are integrated. It shows how each part is valuable equally. I am loving this book as it also gives ideas for parenting.
Anatomy of the Soul
Another brain book. ;)
Okay, so why the brain books? Well here's why! As Dr. Purvis said at the conference last weekend (and this is a paraphrase), science is discovering what God (of course) already knew...that the human brain is malleable from the time God creates it to death. What does this have to do with parenting? Have you ever heard someone say that a child who has been institutionalized is unable to have relational attachments (deep, meaningful relationships) because they've missed nurture during the infancy developmental stages ? I have heard someone say that. It's not true. Have you ever heard someone say that if a person doesn't attach to their mother during infancy (for whatever reason) they will always have attachment issues? It's not true. The brain is constantly changing. Dr. Purvis spoke life into me as she emphatically taught that it is absolutely possible for any human to have deep meaningful relationships...it's their birthright. God knew it...and said it all along. Science is now waking up to its reality. But...but...one of the keys to healing is through relationships. Namely FAMILY relationships. Having someone who thinks you're just stinking awesome...so-cute-your-poopy-diaper-is-cute kind of love...Someone who loves you (as the Jesus Storybook Bible puts it) with a NEVER STOPPING. NEVER GIVING UP. UNBREAKING. ALWAYS AND FOREVER LOVE. You got it...the key to heart and mind healing after having come from hard places is Jesus. His words and His hugs through human hands (and eye contact ;)
I Love You Rituals
And have I mentioned I want to give Thompson Tot a hug...reeeaal bad ;) But the reality is he may or may not be super eager to hug me. Yep...that may be the reality. And when I asked one of the leaders at the conference about how to handle a "I-really-don't-want-a-hug situation" she gave me this book title. It is super, super important that he receives nurturing touch from us. "I Love You Rituals" give lots of ideas for human touch if/when holding our son like an infant is not an option.
(Oh and Dr. Purvis taught about symbolic touch if physical touch is absolutely unpermitted by the child. Symbolic touch is simply gently holding your hand towards a child with palm up toward their chin or shoulder. I've never tried it, but it sounds helpful.)
-Good Attachment Blog Posts:
What is Attachment and Why are You So Worried About It?
What is Cocooning and Why are You Doing It?
We don't exactly know what cocooning will look like for our family, but I will ask for lots of patience and PRAYER! We've discussed keeping Thompson Tot home for at least a month (but it may end up longer) before we attempt take him on outings or to church. That may sound absolutely crazy, AND I MAY TOTALLY TAKE THAT BACK, but AT LEAST the first month is going to be dedicated to us getting to know him (and of course him getting to know us). Again, there is so much material out there as to why this is important to us.
This is such a long post! Thanks for listening. :) Please pray for us as we hope to travel by June. You can pray for that too!
Oh and I leave you with this... Jman said "oody...P P. Pshhhh"
