Not Going to Let November Go By Without Posting

So it's been over a month since I posted...almost two months.

Basically two months (October and November) of waiting, expecting, and hoping for some miracles. We thought we were going to move to a farm much, well, closer to town. Don't get me wrong, we have a good home right where we are and love the people around us. We are in a season of raising children and foresee some serious mileage on our vehicles in the future years where we are. We are still waiting to see what will happen. It's all "up in the air." We hoped we might be matched for adoption before Christmas. We received our answer for this month (and until after Christmas). "Unable to secure an appropriate match for your family" at this time...the message in our portal when I checked at 5:00 am.

I think it would sound petty for me to describe the emotional anguish I've felt with these uncertainties, especially since there is so much to rejoice over in my life. But if I'm honest, some of my prayers expressed desires for which there are no words, just groans that I simply trusted the Holy Spirit to translate. I think back to what Bethany said at our initial adoption meeting: "No time is wasted with God."

So how am I facing disappointment? He's teaching me. The lessons look messy ugly sometimes. But strangely, our home is at peace. I guess for a season...this Thanksgiving and Advent season...I've ceased striving. I wrestled with God throughout autumn. "LORD please make "these things" happen. They are good things. Things we feel like You've led us to do." Please make "these things" happen before Christmas," was my plea. Then, the leaves changed, then they fell and with them fell my anticipation and hope for a "YES" from the Lord...before Christmas. And now the land lies dormant.

But...

Dormancy is not death. Dormancy is a season of rest. And that is just what the Holy Spirit has granted me and is teaching me. In just the last two days I've realized some heart lessons I need to know to prepare me for the next season of being a mommy. Though I wanted to be a Martha through November and December, Jesus is telling me to be a Mary. I wanted to pack, organize and move...closer. I wanted a referral (matched with a child) before Christmas. I wanted to "nest." I wanted to make lists of planning for traveling in the Spring (or earlier). And without these daydreams fulfilled I felt I couldn't face the cold and grayness of Winter. And today the Lord says "rest." Do not rest in plans, rest in Jesus. Because until I learn to rest in Him I cannot carry out His purpose when Spring comes.

So welcome...Celebration of the Light that has shown in the Valley of Darkness! And thanks be to the God of our salvation, the Lord Jesus Christ.

That's a bit of my heart experiences Fall 2013...Now for our happy family pictures! (And they are happy). Joshua (our sweet Joshua) is so delightful. I'm honored to be his mommy! He's at an age where holiday traditions are fun for him. Maybe it's the old Kindergarten teacher in me...but I do so enjoy being festive with children.